Life Goes On…..

Numb to real thoughts or emotions. I’m OK with writing silly stuff that doesn’t matter at all in the long run. But, the part of my mind, soul, heart, etc. that means anything is gone/hiding/killed/abducted or something.

And…..”deep breath”……I have kept this to myself because it is the nature of my beast. I had an x-ray for bronchitis and pneumonia when I went to the doc a few weeks ago. I got a call from the x-ray tech on Monday, who said that the doc needed to re-do it because he saw something “suspicious”. I’m scared shitless but have been too stubborn and too set in my “don’t ask, don’t tell” way of life to tell anyone. My x-ray is scheduled for Thursday. I tried my best to wrangle info from the tech, but, damn, she was good…..kept “the code”…..not much info from her.

I’m really sad that I haven’t been here. I come and……nothing. I’m empty. I’m waiting. That’s how I would describe my life now…..waiting.

I sit at night…….reminding myself of an old person in a nursing home with no visitors. No visitors because she shut them all out when younger. Or, maybe, she was that mean ol’ neighborhood woman that all the kids were afraid of. Waiting. Waiting is mean sumabitch. Especially, when you don’t really know what you are waiting for.

Come join me. Will make a new club. COTNF……Club of The Non-Feeling. Our motto could be….”Go ahead, try to hurt us, assholes! Aha! GOTCHA! We don’t feel!!!!”

We, all the BP Chicks, are great masters. Masters of our own music. Masters of our own art.

The music of numbness. The art of hiding it.

Where’s are our fucking awards? I want a goddamn statue for my mantle.

We are the audience of life.

If a bipolar fell in a forest, would she make a noise?

OK…now, I’m talking crazy. But, who gives a shit? There’s crazier stuff than this on blogs.

Thousands of people have died in China and Burma. This takes up a lot of my thoughts. How many of them will not be missed? That’s what I ask myself. If I were laying under a building in China, who would look for me? How long would they look?

Sometimes, I feel like I am laying under a building in China.

And, sometimes I wish that I were.

Crapola! I had no intention of coming here and writing this shitty, depressing post.

I’m going to shower and think about whether I should delete this sob story or not.

I do think of you often, D. I’m just unable to………

unable to……

FUCK IT! I want a roller coaster ride. I want to go to the petting zoo. Where’s the ticket booth?

Why did Mel Gibson take Brit-Brit on vacation? Not fair. He should have taken us! Bastard!!!!

“editing to add”

These late nite sittings are going to put me in the poor house. I’ve “adopted” to kids from Africa. It will be quite different for me to have a child who will eat willingly. UN-PC…..you bet’cha. I’ve sent money to World Vision. I think I’m trying to buy a good conscience. But, hey, at least I’m not buying a bunch of crap on infomercials. But, at the rate I’m going, I’ll be the proud parents of a small village before long.